Monday, March 02, 2009

Who Are These People?

I work for an independent television production company. We mainly do factual entertainment programs for cable nets like Discovery, Nat Geo, History, TLC -- that sort of thing.

We've talked internally about adding independent films to our slate but it's in the long term plan at best -- just doesn't fit our current set-up.

But that doesn't stop people from sending me scripts and query letters all the time, asking us to produce their film.

Most are terrible, some are intriguing, but we just aren't in that business, and frankly, these people should do enough research to know that.

Got a query email today that I just loved. Copied below, with incriminating info redacted:

I am the creator of TITLE, a script that is an absolute passion project for me and on which, in the past weeks, I've had several discussions with William Morris about the directions for the project, suitable companies, casting, directing, etc. The agent has noted that "LEAD CHARACTER is actually quite a sexy character, everything a female heroine should be", and called the script 'gripping and touching,' and best of all, 'studio-ready.' The agent has also said that “TITLE is a 'high-concept action/thriller,' and that it can be pitched as, STUDIO HIT meets STUDIO FRANCHISE HIT with a twist.”

Because WMA is circling around me and the script, I started looking at production companies, and more intimate agencies, in hopes of finding just the right one for this project before I sign with them, since I believe that the agency might be too big and even getting representation may still lead to the TITLE script getting lost in the shuffle.

I came across your company while doing a search on ENTERTAINMENT INDUSTRY WEBSITE, and would like the opportunity to submit TITLE for your review and discuss if your company may be the right place for this project.

Looking forward to your feedback,


My feedback?

Well, I hate to disparage any writer. Writing's hard, so hats off to anyone who does it.

But, well, my feedback is that... are you effing kidding me?

An agent at William Morris is "circling around you," talking directors and talent, and you query a small factual TV prodco?

Just doesn't make any sense. I checked and NAME doesn’t have any credits listed anywhere. So, if it's true that WMA wants to rep you, an unproduced first-time spec scriptwriter, IN THE NAME OF ALL THAT IS HOLY, GO WITH THEM – THEY’RE THE SHIT.

And if it's not true, why such a lame lie?